


crow's nest

by wildrosesandpeonies



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Family, Gen, Love, Other, Secrets, Sisterhood, mentions of various relationships, relationships, various character mentions
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-06
Updated: 2015-01-15
Packaged: 2018-03-06 10:46:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3131693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wildrosesandpeonies/pseuds/wildrosesandpeonies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Someday someone won’t be afraid of how much you love.<br/>They won’t stay on the shore; they’ll meet you in the depths.</p><p>You weren’t made for shallow waters, your heart is an ocean"</p><p>quote via breanna-lynn</p><p> </p><p>A Laurel and Sara sister fic.</p><p> </p><p>Takes place during what would be s3 timeline if I was following canon. A semi-sequel to "Despite Everything," but you don't need to read that fic to dive into this one. The origins of how Laurel starts her journey to becoming Black Canary.</p><p>All mistakes mine, not beta read.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

THWACK THWACK THWACK, Laurel intensely hit the dummy. She was so focused she didn’t even notice Sara had entered the gym and had been watching her for several minutes.. Laurel had been coming to Ted Grant’s gym for several weeks now. Tonight he wasn’t training her. Tonight she was here for herself. This wasn’t something she could talk about in AA. This was something she wanted to talk about with her friends, her family, but they were the very reason she was spiritedly punching a dummy. 

 

Breathe, thought Sara to herself. She had a feeling that whatever Laurel was angry about had to do with one of the subjects they had decided not to discuss. Or rather that they purposely avoiding discussing. The impulse to turn and run away was strong. However, Laurel wasn’t to be reasoned with from their father or Oliver, so that left her. Sara wondered why she felt so fearful facing Laurel alone. It wasn’t as if they were still fighting — or were they? At any rate, that dummy didn’t have a chance against Laurel. 

 

 

“Laurel,” she quietly spoke. Her voice had been too soft. Laurel continued pounding away. Her face was alive. Sara had seen that face somewhere before. Where? Run, run, run away Sara. This sister here would not be the sister who had called her a hero. She was someone else tonight. But what was bothering  Laurel? And why must she had taken this absurd notion to mind? Sara resented that they were even having this conversation. Laurel, of all people, should know why she shouldn’t do this, become this. 

 

Sara moved closer to Laurel and cleared her voice. “Laurel.” Her voice was just loud enough this time.

 

“Sara?” Laurel stopped, flustered. What was Sara doing here? Oh, yeah, Oliver of course. Oliver as usual mettling where he had no right to be. Felicity and Diggle needed to nip that habit in the bud! But it was too late now. 

 

“Is anything the matter Sara?” Laurel asked, noticing Sara’s face was flush and she was giving the sad puppy eyes. Laurel recalled the last time she has seen that face from Sara. Sara had just returned home. Laurel had flung the wine bottle at the closing door and Sara had secretly gotten back together with Oliver. However, things were different between now. 

 

“I was going to ask you that.” It took every inch of nerve Sara had to keep her nerves steady and say that.

 

“Nothing that you would care to hear.” 

 

“Laurel, don’t do this. Let’s talk. If something’s bothering you, I want to know.”

 

“So you can go back to Oliver or Nyssa and have them do your dirty work?” Laurel instantly regretted her words as soon as she voiced them. She wished she wasn’t so aggressive with her sister, but she had nothing to say. However, she was wrong to say that. She knew Sara had struggled with something, was struggling with something. She needed her sister here — to be alive. Not to vanish into the night. Sara should still feel safe to come home, to come talk to her. Why must this always be so difficult?

 

“I’m sorry, Sara. I really am,” Laurel’s put gravity into her words and looked squarely at Sara as she said them. She did mean she was sorry and Sara had to be very certain of that,  "but this isn’t about you, even though Oliver would like to think that it is.” The bite had entered her tone again.  "Or perhaps he thinks it’s about him.” She was getting wriled up, but if they would just listen, if they just — tell her things. "You both keep me out of the loop. However, not everything I do is reaction to yours and his —“ She paused. What word was she looking for?

 

Sara finished for her. “Journeys.”  She looked away. Then looked back at her sister. It still wasn’t clear to Sara why this mattered to Laurel. But 

 

“I thought you forgave me, Laurel?” she questioned, stunned at her sister for going off. 

 

“Forgiving you and having a real conversation with you have always been two separate things,” Laurel sighed and hit the dummy again, but she might as well have caressed it for how lightly she had tapped it. “Not that we’ve ever had a real conversation anyway. Not for years.” 

 

Now it was Sara’s turn to sigh. She couldn’t deny that. However much the sisters had reconnected, they still kept so many secrets from each other. She was not ready to have a real conversation with Laurel. Laurel probably deserved one, but this was not the time or place. But, Laurel still wasn’t making any sense. “Putting myself and Oliver aside, why is this so necessary to you? You don’t need this."

 

It was the wrong thing to say. Laurel instantly flared on her. “I don’t need this? Is my life supposed to be complete with the law? Am I supposed to be overjoyed every time I’m helpless and get kidnapped that Oliver or you will come save me? Am I supposed to wait for Tommy to return so we can have a life together?”

 

“Tommy’s dead,” Sara pointed out. Which was again, the wrong thing to say. 

 

“Yes, I know. Did you even know about Tommy and me?”

 

“Tommy was your friend. I know that. His death would affect you as much as it affected Oliver.”

 

“My friend? My friend?” Laurel punched the dummy hard again, but this time there was no venom. She felt a rush a sadness. Would this sadness ever go away? She sighed. Although she would rather not cry, her tears were falling.

 

Finally she pulled herself together. “I could tell you why I’m doing this, but it wouldn’t matter anyway. You’ve already made up your mind. Besides, we’re both not actually talking. If AA has taught me anything, it’s that you have to actually talk about things, even if you don’t like what the resolutions will be. Even if you don’t like what new weakness it reveals in yourself.”  

 

“Just weakness?” Despite being her sister’s protector, Sara still found it tough to admit her sister could be weak. For all her anger and addictions, Laurel still cared, even if she was quick to judgment. 

 

“No, you learn about your good side too. But you have to be courageous and deal with the demons that drove you to alcohol or drugs. Even when you know you’re not alone, you can still feel vulnerable. You can’t hide behind a mask in AA, but I have no desire to do that. But again, we’re not actually ever going to have any real conversations, so you and Oliver can stop determining what I do with my life."

 

Sara retreated back. She sat down and watched her sister. There was nothing she could do or felt like doing. Yes, she had already made up her mind, but it was incredulous of Laurel to think she needed a mask. She has the law! She was an excellent lawyer and she was making a difference. Laurel was one of the few people in her life who didn’t wear a mask, and now she thought she needed to become one? 

 

But there was that other matter — having a real conversation. Perhaps if she talked to Laurel, she could convince her out of this absurdity, this recklessness. Laurel was just like Felicity — always thought she didn’t stack up unless she could fight back with both brains and physicality. Except while Felicity had backed down, Laurel was still pushing. Perhaps this had to do with Slade kidnapping her?

 

Out of the corner of her eye, Laurel watched Sara. Sara was lost in a train of thought. Well, she hadn’t run away at least. Laurel knew she had been too harsh, but if Sara really wanted her not do this, Sara was going to have to finally talk. They would have to talk and listen. No more relying on other people to be conduits. No more Oliver, no more of their parents either. Laurel, you’re strategizing. Stop, Laurel, stop! 

 

“Sara, why don’t you come over tomorrow. We can have girl time.”

 

“Small steps,” Sara thought to herself. Loudly, she affirmed,  "I can do that." 

 

“Tomorrow then,” Laurel finished.

 

The sisters hugged. There was nothing more to say tonight, but there was so much that was going to be said. Could they survive each other? They had always loved each other, but perhaps love wouldn’t be enough. 


	2. Chapter 2

Sara came over to Laurel’s the next night. She was hesitant. There were so many things she’d rather be doing this. But was forgiveness truly forgiveness if they didn’t talk things over — really consider their secrets, their pasts that intersected, the relationships they kept from one another? No, it was not. Sara realized perhaps she didn’t want to look at the part of herself that always felt guilty. It would no longer be enough to absolve her conscience by protecting Laurel. Nor could she hide behind Oliver or Nyssa. Indeed, Oliver was baggage and Nyssa was her love. If Laurel and Nyssa were to be friends, and if Laurel and Oliver and herself were truly to move on and grow past the Gambit — she needed to talk to Laurel. At least she could break the ice with Tommy. Laurel really dated Tommy? Why had Malcolm never mentioned that when Sara had seen him in the League?

“It’s me!” Sara had a spare key to Laurel’s apartment and let herself in. Laurel was stubborn and would insist on staying here despite attack after attack. She had earned this apartment, but the security both within and without were terrible. Sara meant to fix that, since Oliver had never bothered to.

“Sara,” Laurel rushed over to her sister, then stepped back. But one look made her realize Sara was as afraid as she was. No matter what Sara had been through, Laurel still felt like the big, protective sister getting her sister out of messes. Of course, she knew that Sara could take herself now. But sometimes, it felt just as when they were in school, with Laurel having to protect her sister from the angry girls who had had their boyfriends stolen. Laurel warmly embraced Sara. “Don’t be scared, it’s just me.”

Sara hugged her back and smiled. “Thank you, Laurel.”

Finally, they broke apart and went into the kitchen. Sara startled as she saw several platters of food. “Were you expecting more people?”

“No, just you, but I don’t know what you like anymore, so I ordered several things. You know I could never cook. There’s spicy Thai, but also mushroom and pepperoni pizza, Big Belly hamburgers and fries, milkshakes and ice cream.”

“Everything looks good. I could have brought something though.”

“You brought yourself — and your stories, which is enough.” Laurel looked keenly at her sister. “I want to know, and I want you to hear my side of things. But I’m asking you to unburden yourself, so I don’t expect you to do anything — “

“Laurel, that’s not fair!” Sara was going to protest, but then she reflected. “We’re both opening up. We’re both sharing. Maybe you’re right this time, but don’t assume you need to do everything -- every time.”

Laurel nodded. Guess she was going to have to trust her little sister to not feel overwhelmed. Perhaps it made her feel — more normal. “Alright, Sara. Anyway, let’s eat first. Then we’ll talk.”

To Laurel’s surprise, Sara mounded her plate with spicy Thai. Then she remembered that Dad had mentioned something about the League of Assassins being located somewhere in Asia.

They ate in silence for awhile. However awkward it was, at least there was no Oliver around to blow things up, Laurel gathered. However much she had needed to hear those words from him in that hallway, he did have no business being there. Perhaps she and Sara might have bonded again sooner. Then again, Sara also could have kept secretly dating him for months. Well, they might keep truths from one another now, but there were no more dirty secrets to hide. No more passive-aggressiveness between them passing as talking.

“Will you go first, and tell me about Tommy?” Sara asked. Of course, those three had always been friends. She had just been the little sister. At least until Oliver rebelled against Laurel and took notice of her. Tommy, Oliver, and Laurel, besties since middle school. Always plotting to take over the world together. Now, Tommy was gone, and Laurel and Oliver were on separate if parallel paths.

“It just — happened. We were friends with benefits. We were both grief-stricken over Oliver and we got closer. But I wasn’t ready to move on. It wasn’t until Oliver came home that Tommy stopped being a partier playboy. He was always capable of more than that, but he never believed in himself, never pushed himself until Oliver came home.”

Sara glanced at her sister. Although Laurel had kept her voice steady, and tried to repress the emotion, she was still troubled by the memories. “You fell in love with him?” she quietly asked.

“Yes, but I didn’t know until too late — until he — “ It hurt her still to use the word died. She painfully squeaked the last word out “died.” Laurel let out a heavy sigh.

“I loved him, Sara, I really did. I wish you could have could have seen him. He was so ready to change. He was finally coming into himself. He was always there for me and he tried so hard, “ Laurel flushed with anger. “I’m glad Malcolm Merlyn is dead. He ruined Tommy’s potential. He convinced Tommy to go back into a world that he didn’t belong in.”

Sara kept very guarded. Malcolm Merlyn was not dead, but Laurel didn’t need to know that. Not now. She silently cursed Oliver for not fully informing her on Laurel’s relationship with Tommy. But - right Sara, you could have asked, you never did. You came home, but kept your distance.  Yes, Sara, you are still selfish. You thought you were protecting your sister by keeping your distance, but you are still just as ignorant about her as she is of you.

Laurel dug out the ice cream. She was not weak, she was a survivor, but ice cream was still a fabulous cure. “ Want some?”

“Not right now. You wanted to ask me questions?”

“Start with that woman who hit me with a tranquilizer. You’re friends with her?”

Surely after so many encounters with Nyssa, after actually having met her, Laurel didn’t actually think they were just friends? But as Sara quickly ran over her memories, she recalled that Laurel hadn’t been there when Quentin and Oliver found out that Nyssa was her lover. Hell, even Felicity and Diggle were still unaware. Well, this news was going to surprise her sister. Sara only hoped she took it well.

“No, Laurel, I’m not. She’s my girlfriend.” Normally Sara would have left at that. Quentin and Oliver had interacted with Nyssa first hand on many occasions, and both of them were guarded. They understood Sara’s need not to explain herself, but Sara recollected she also never had the opportunity to talk about this. And maybe she wanted to after all.

“I didn’t know. I didn’t know until I met her. She saved me. I was — surprised. But it didn’t happen all at once. Just gradually. She is amazing.”

“But she — !” Laurel interjected.

“I know, Laurel. She’s quite — different from you and me in how she’s been brought up. But she does have morals, and she does care in her way about the order of things. I hope one day you’ll be friends.”

“Are you in love with her?”

Sara smiled widely. “Coming back home was the hardest thing I ever did because I left her. I needed to come back to see you, to see Dad. But it broke my heart to have to hide and lie about her. I didn’t think she still loved me. She did, she does.”

“You didn’t answer my question.”

“After everything I’ve done — experienced — I’m not sure if I am worthy of love or of giving it to someone else, but she truly understands me and doesn’t judge me. So yes, I do love her even though I’m not sure if she could do better.”

Laurel stared at her sister again. Stared so long that Sara began to feel uncomfortable. What? She knew she was the cheating sister who had murdered but survived and was still alive. What Laurel?

Meanwhile, Laurel tried to bring the words to her lips. Tommy had thought Laurel could do better too. Tommy had thought she would be better off with Oliver. Tommy had pushed her to Oliver instead of trying to hash things out.

“Laurel, stop staring. It’s making me nervous. Do you not accept that I can love someone like Nyssa or do you hold a grudge against her for kidnapping Mom and tranquing you?”

 Laurel felt relieved after hearing Sara confirm she did love Nyssa. Maybe Sara wasn't as badly off, as doubtful as Tommy had been in her self-esteem, but Laurel was still confused. “It’s just that — well, I know bisexuality exists. I know this inappropriate to ask —“

“I’m uncomfortable discussing many things, but I will answer those questions.”

“Has there ever been any other woman — before or after Nyssa?”

“No —“ Sara caught herself before say “one.” Yes, there was someone, but she only had eyes for Oliver. She might be a little bit bi, or questioning, but it was obvious Oliver was her one and done. No point in bringing up her to Laurel. Besides, she had already taken Oliver from Laurel, and she had no plans to take Felicity from Oliver. “Yes, there is someone, but Nyssa is the one for me.” Which was also true. It had broken Sara’s heart to leave Nyssa.

“So how did you know?”

Sara shook her head. “I think I’m capable of loving anyone really. It’s just that for years I confused lust with love. I do love Nyssa though.” It felt like a weight lifting off her shoulder. Maybe she did need to talk about it. She had changed, she was changed.

“You mentioned Tommy when you were training? Do you feel — avenging his death is the right thing to do?”

“But I’m not avenging his death. I’m doing this for me.” That wasn’t completely true. “I am doing it for him, but not just because of him. He died saving me. I don’t want anybody else to die saving me. If I have to die — let it be me fighting back.”

"Okay, Laurel." It was not okay, but she'd rather they not fight about it tonight. Not after the disclosures just made. 


End file.
